Whammy's House
by Kellye G
Summary: UNFINISHED! Raito is new at school, the very prestigious academy Whammy's House! He finds out that L, who is a total and complete slob, is his roommate. What awkward adventures will the two get into? Pranks? Paper airplanes? Physical activity?
1. Smack My Bitch Up, New Kid

Ah, yes! MORE DEATH NOTE! GIVE ME ALL YOUR APPLES!

This one is a school fic. I was in gym, running, and MY GOD IS THAT BORING! -nearly fell asleep in it- So, okay. I don't have much inspiration for this aside from that, and the fact that I have my other, more special, Death Note to work on, I prolly won't be working on this as much. But, um, if you like it, tell me! I can't tell you how much I love Raito! He's my favourite character! :D Ryuuku will be a teacher, and Mikami and Misa are Raito's adopted parents. And, well, damn. I just got some good ideas for the next chapter... -goes and writes it-

**Whammy's House**

_First day of school, okay. I can do this. I can do this. _

Raito took in a deep breath and sighed. He had been waiting his entire life to get into the prestigious academy. In fact, he couldn't remember a point in his life were his adopted mother and father hadn't been working on getting him in.

He bent over to tie his shoe, stalling the inevitable. Raito felt something hit him in the back, then he saw someone topple over, their floppy black hair standing out well against the light gray concrete. His eyes, which were dark black, looked at Raito questioningly.

"Um… Hello…"

_Why am I blushing?_

"New kid… That's strange… I don't like you."

Raito's mouth fell open as the other man twisted around and got up, his back slumping as he walked through the double doors. Raito scrambled and got up, following the slumping man up the stairs. He had never met a single person who didn't like him, not a single person. "Wait!" The man turned around. "What do you mean by 'I don't like you'?"

"Well," he paused, his finger drifting to his mouth subconsciously, "I would think it obvious. Not many people can get in here, and if you're smart, then that has a possibility of making me look bad. That, and you tripped me…"

His eye twitched. Someone didn't like him because they hadn't been watching where they were going? That made no sense, as far as Raito was concerned. He followed the black-haired man up the long flight of stairs. Raito thought carefully about the outside of the building, and how there wasn't a second story. Which would make it impossible for them to be going up stairs, especially considering that they must be up at least four stories.

As if reading his mind, the man began to explain. "We're still on the first story. It's just an optical illusion. That's why you don't feel any physical strain. I'm sure you're just here for the tour, since it's Saturday. That's why they sent me. I'm here to show you your dorm, Raito."

"My…dorm? And how do you know my name?"

"Yes, this is an academy for the mentally gifted, we sleep here, eat here, breathe here. You can go home from time to time, but most of the students are orphans, like you and I, so there's not much of a point. Maybe for you there could be, since you have adopted parents. But, you know, I don't care much. As for me knowing your name, I'm Ryuuzaki."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Right…"

The rest of the walk up the stairs (even though there were really no stairs) was quiet. Ryuuzaki didn't speak to Raito, and Raito didn't care to talk to him. He was being a jerk.

They did finally get to the dorm part of the building, and there were students staring at Raito strangely. Everyone seemed to not know what was happening. For geniuses, they weren't that smart. There were a few children that stood out from everyone else, though. They looked to be a bit younger than Raito and Ryuuzaki were. There was a blonde teenager sitting outside of a door on a lawn chair eating chocolate from a bag in his lap. Next to him on the ground was a red-headed guy about the same age. His mouth was hanging open with drool coming out, and his eyes (even covered with the goggles) were strained from looking at the DS screen. Then there was the white-haired little boy sitting in his room. The door was wide open, as most were, but the kid had little finger puppets and he was making them drink tea. The _strangest_ part was that one looked like him, and the other like Ryuuzaki. Raito stared at the black-haired man walking next to him.

"The people here are creepy."

"Yeah, they need more sun, I agree."

Raito's eye twitched. That had nothing to do with what he had said! He muttered 'moron' under his breath and continued to walk. Ryuuzaki stopped suddenly and took out a key, staring intently at a door labelled with a giant L. He opened the door and frowned.

"This is our room. The side with the easy-bake oven is mine. Touch it and I will kill you." Ryuuzaki went in, leaving Raito alone for a moment. Raito followed him in and looked around.

The walls were painted pale gray and there were pictures of cake and sweets on the side of the room were Raito assumed Ryuuzaki slept. There were also candy wrappers and cake boxes and other things of the sort on the ground. The covers on the bed were pulled back, and there were visible crumbs in the sheets and on the floor. Raito shuddered, his OCD-ness kicking in. He had to _live_ with this _slob_?

Ryuuzaki had grabbed a can of soda and hopped on his bed, lounging into the crumbs. Raito eyed him carefully. He was holding the Mountain Dew very…_peculiarly_…

"So… um… What should I do now?"

"Beats me, Raito-kun. You could wait until I finish my drink and I continue the tour. Without it, Monday'll come and you'll be screwed over big time." He grabbed a remote and pressed a button. A loud noise came out of an iPod dock and began singing "change my pitch up/smack my bitch up". Raito glared at the man taking his time, bobbing his head in time to the music. **(a/n: omg, just go with it. L's a slob and likes that song, which I swear I only know because of Richard Cheese! I've never even listened to it!)**

After about half an hour of music and loud slurping, Ryuuzaki crushed the can in his fist and threw it on the ground, hopping off the bed. They walked through many halls, and he would occasionally point out a room or two, but generally it was quiet.

The afternoon came, and Raito left with his parents. L walked back to his room, deciding maybe he would clean it up some…


	2. I Am Near, Lord Of ALL Legos!

'Kay, second chapter is short. Sorry. But I'm in the mood for writing crack, and I really, really, _really_ want to do Raito in classes. If you've ever seen Ned's Declassified, then you'll get how I'm making this. Plus I want fun teachers. Oh, guess who's the sex ed teacher? Go on, guess! I bet you can! -laughs- Okay, I'm going to write the third chapter right now since I have nothing better to do than schoolwork. Hahaha. I might even update again today. That would be fun!

**Whammy's House**

Raito stepped forward into the dark hallways of the school. Everyone seemed to still be sleeping, even if it _was_ ten in the morning. He sighed. There was no way he could ever get used to this. After all, it was a Monday, and they were SLEEPING!

In a sudden surge of anger, Raito thrust his bags down onto the floor and stormed outside, where his parents stood arguing.

"Why did you send me here? I DON'T WANNA LIVE HERE!"

They turned to him, then his "father" patted him on the head. "Now, now, Raito, don't have a little temper-tantrum. What would your friend think?"

"Mikami's right, Raito. Misa thinks you should act appropriately in front of such a handsome young man." She winked and Raito's face turned pale white. He turned around (Mikami was still petting his head) and looked at his roommate, who yawned uncaringly and picked up his bags, turning to leave. Raito snatched some bags out of Misa's arms and ran after him, not bothering to say goodbye to either of his parents.

He caught up to Ryuuzaki quickly, seeing as the black-haired man wasn't walking very quickly. They walked up the strange hallway to the dorms, not speaking to each other, or even sparing a glance. It was as if the air was lit from their tension.

They arrived at their room (passing just a few roaming students) fairly quickly. Ryuuzaki dropped Raito's bags as soon as he entered the room. Seemingly, without thinking, he walked over to his bed and fell down. Raito stared at him for a few moments, and then the man started to snore. Raito's eye twitched and he walked over to his bed, sitting down on the hard mattress and moaning into his hands. Life was going to be very, _very_ hard.

- - -

Noon came and went, and not a sound came from outside, aside from the occasional scuffling of a sleep-walking student. Then, out of nowhere, Ryuuzaki began to speak to him. "You know, I don't understand why you came here on a Sunday… Were you that excited to start school?"

"It's Monday…"

"That's where you're wrong. See, you're used to human schedules. Us geniuses don't live on that scale. We work a day late, 'cause we don't _need_ to be on time. Then we only have four days a week. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Wednesday."

"Isn't is Wednesday _then_ Thursday?"

"No."

A loud knock interrupted Raito as he began to speak. A blonde-haired man barged in, holding a small boy in his arms. He was panting heavily as if he had been running. Ryuuzaki snapped up instantly and ran over to the two.

"What happened, Mello?"

The blonde, Mello, just breathed as he tried to speak. Ryuuzaki snatched the white-haired boy out of Mello's arms and began to scream in his ear. "NEAR! WAKE UP, LITTLE FRIEND! WE NEED YOU TO PLAY LEGOS WITH US! COME ON!" He furiously began to shake the poor unconscious child, the white hair snapping back and forth violently. Raito stared at the frantic man and held back the giggles, which were beginning to rack his body with shakes. Soon he burst out laughing, rolling on the floor. Ryuuzaki, in a moment of blind anger, threw Near's unconscious body at Raito's chest, knocking the wind out of him. Then he turned on Mello.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO NEAR? ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!"

"I don't know! I think he ate some oysters or something! It's not my fault he has allergies!" Ryuuzaki, in a brief second of thought, ran around the room muttering 'epee-pen, epee-pen' over and over until he found one. Then, running back to Raito (who had been knocked out) and Near, Ryuuzaki jammed the needle into Near. The white-hair's boy colour returned, although he still stayed white as bone, and he began to breathe shallowly, obviously asleep.

- - -

Near woke up cuddled in someone's arms. Subconsciously, he moved in further and breathed in the strange new smell. Then, sleep ebbing away, he stretched and yawned.

Suddenly he began to scream and scrabbled out of the arms he had been sleeping in. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" He pointed at Raito's face and panted, emotionless-ness coming over him. Matt (who had come in because of the screaming) and Mello laughed at him and Raito shrugged and went back to reading the _Yaoi Luverz_ magazine he had found under Ryuuzaki's bed. Ryuuzaki had fallen asleep on his bed and was snoring loudly.

He stared around then walked over to Ryuuzaki's bed, stooping down and pulling out a large box of legos. Raito briefly wondered how they had managed to fit it under the bed. He went back to the magazine as Near dumped the entire box onto the floor.

- - -

Raito looked up after reading the entire magazine cover-to-cover twice (it was yaoi, he really couldn't stop) and gasped. Near had constructed a giant castle and was sitting in the middle, playing with Barbie dolls.

"Oh, Ken! You make my vagina tingle so."

"Well, Barbie, that's my job. I'm a man-whore, just like the new kid!"

"Hahaha! Ken, you're so funny! Kiss me!"

"I'll do more than that!"

He began to make the Ken doll hump the Barbie doll more, laughing. The three men (Matt, Mello, and Raito) stared at him quietly. Near noticed after a while and looked up.

"What?"

"Um… Near? Why are you doing that?"

Near stared at Mello emotionlessly before answering. "It is because I am Near, Lord of all Legos. Duh. But I suppose a common serf wouldn't understand. Did you know they couldn't even read? Still, I bet you they were more smart than this Barbie is…" He waved it in the air before chucking it backwards, hitting Ryuuzaki. The black-haired man mumbled something and went back to sleep.

And that, my dear friends, is how Raito spent his very first day of school.


End file.
